blah blah emotional vomit blah blah

^ no lie, that is my life right now

this is not a good way to start the year. packed one suitcase last night (the smallest one). hoping i don't pack away anything that i will decide i desperately want to wear/use sometime in the next week. also hoping to significantly reduce the amount of crap i bring to uni with me this semester. i always bring all this stuff and never use it. with that in mind i've begun the "two steps forward, one step back" method of packing. for every two items i put in my pack pile, i take one out.

this includes old sorority t-shirts i wouldn't be caught dead wearing in public. kept the comfy ones in, i need something to work out/lay around in.

speaking of working out, i've been bad in the last two weeks. visiting paul really caused me to fall off the wagon; before my va trip i was hitting the gym every day for an hour of cardio, adding an hour of weight training every other day (which is how you're supposed to do it). since coming back i've only managed to go every other day. i have an appointment with my trainer in the morning though to see what progress i've made, then i plan on a serious, hardcore workout. i need the stress release.

things with paul, not so hot. we're trying to talk it out, but...

i don't know, i sometimes just feel like we're coming to the end of the line. but because i love him i hang on. maybe too long. maybe i'll still be hanging on long after he's let go and the train is plummeting off the cliff

but i don't know what else to do.

i don't, i can't, let go of my best friend that easily.

so that's what's happening right now with me. sunshine and rainbows, i know. hope everyone else's lives are going better.

x